​Sex Talk Two: The True Color

It made my blood rile when I discovered that religions centered on sex were once dominant and now have gone exctint. This makes me wonder that the current cultural view of sex was a propaganda to bottle up and cast away the old sex narrative and instil a new one that gives it more power and control of the new societies they created. 
Perhaps the old religions were dangerous. Or perhaps,  it granted people more independence to the human society that slavers could not contain. I use the world slavery because I cannot help but think that the current world system is a design to dominate humanity by some elites.  Hence they birthed a cultural society that thrived on the dirty panties (see Sex Talk one: The Dirty Panties Theory)  narrative. It is a plot used by the slavers in all spheres, which is to take away their identity and leave them to beg while they offer your new ideals which is meant to control rather than grant true human liberation. This may look more like a political argument,  but trust me, there is a sex conspiracy to it too. Who the slavers are and their propaganda is a tale for another time. All we need now is that sometime along the track of time, mankind lost the ability to find identity and significance through sex.
Sex as a center of worship was meant to rever its spiritual prowess. All of that is lost now and sex has become a body thing or a pleasure thing. The cultural talk on sex usually has the religious undertones of ‘the forbidden fruit’. The progressive talk on sex usually has the convention undertones of ‘the pleasure drug’. Sadly, neither talk on sex has achieved the true meaning  i.e. to define and communicate your sexual identity, and hence negotiating a healthy preference to the build up of your spiritual person. Wow! What a hefty thing to say about something as banal as sex.
Sex is a form of communication. We communicate on either the basis to discover who we are or to imprint who we are. It is the same thing with sex. It will be difficult to uphold this view of sex without having an emotional and spiritual responsibility for this sort of communication. First, we discover this sexuality by venturing and exploring. It is just as a toddler begins with uttering strings of babble before it can properly express itself. After we have come to the discovery of our sexually which means the ability to communicate our spiritual existence through sex, the next stage would be to imprint our sexual identity on the person(s) who will revere it the same way we are mature enough to revere theirs. This is when sex gains a spiritual significance and it has nothing to do with confines of marriage or the liberty of brazen expression.
So, let us go ahead with the cultural talk on sex with our new found definition of sex. It is most times too late to wait on the matrimonial bed to begin to venture and explore. It is that most times a couple jump into matrimony without any self identity at all, they soon dicover the struggle to identify themselves or satisfy the identity of their partners. The wait-till-marriage theory has made so many promises of pro-marital bliss and made astounding numbers of threats when one breaks this rule. A life long enjoyment of sex if you wait till marriage is a myth that is debunkable. Check facts or polls on the topic. Sexual excitement does not magically spring up because you waited till marriage. There is no guarantee that the sex will come regularly or will last till death do you part if you stay true to a matrimonial wait principle. Marriage is not a promise of an endless adventure of sex. In most cases, it is the death of it. The deciding matter is not waiting or fidelity, it is about how sexually mature one is before contracting into marriage.
Due to some people’s lack of sexual maturity before marriage, they are highly dissatisfied in their matrimonial bed and tend to look at sex as an inconvenience or just a biological tool to quiet an urge in the genital region. Some others become emotionally spent because they have been forced to give and receive nothing in return. This is often times the reason why a member of the conjugal room seeks a sexual alliance on the outside of it. Other times, it breeds all sort of contempt till the only way out is to seek a divorcing. This way the succulence and sweetness of sex is atrophied till all that is left is the bone cracked strokes of the conjugal duty and responsibilities,  leaving behind a trail of pain. I wonder if I have made any sense. Only those who have been there will know what I mean.
It is clear that waiting till matrimony is too late to discover your sexuality. It is also true that you can begin the journey to sexual maturity and identifying who you are sexually with your spouse after marriage. Although the journey is possible, the conclusion of it may further tear you apart rather than draw you together. What if your sexual identity is not compatible with a partner’s? A lot of this trouble could have been avoided if marriage was based on the compatibility of the sexuality identity of two sexually mature adults.
This does not leave the progressive talk on sex out of the guilt trip. In this society, sex is played as a social card subject to the whims and caprices of bodily desires. While this may not be the problem, because truly, this is the biological function of sex, overplaying this card without an aim or a true goal in sight is what strips sex down to a purely pleasure tool used to play down the biological grieving in the body. It then becomes a dose of psychedellic intended to fill a vacuum that is surely unhealthy to the spirit soul and breed self destruct habits. Before long, rather than become sexually mature and discover your sexual identity, you become a soulless sex machine, seeking sex for its pleasure dose only. Animals do that sort of thing. To be lowered thus far is to perceive sex with your animal instinct. Of course it is hard to control it. A little liberty without practical wisdom drives a man to his animalistic wits. The progressive talk preaches freedom of expression and no self control. You can only imagine the emotional consequence to this.That is why it always ends disastrously.
After defining sex true purpose and comparing it with the several talk on the subject, we come to this illustrated conclusion. 

‘Sex is like a spirited horse whose heart could be broken if locked away in a stable or can becomes lost if set free  to roam too far. For you to tame it, you must place a measure of restrain on it with a briddle, and caution it with strong will and conscience in a rider. With the reins in the hands of a rider you have no fear to set off into the wild, because you have the confidence that it will ride back to the stable before dusk’.

Sex is not meant to b caged or set on the wild. According to your measure of self control, take it on the ride to self discovery. 


This is how your sexual instinct can be tamed till you discover your sexual identity and achieve maturity. We will find out how in the following sex talks.

Next article, Sex Talk Three: The Golden Rule.

​War Of The Sexes

Men and women, made for eachother and destined to live together in peace and with harmony. But are they? Really? 
A man craves a woman’s presence and a woman a man’s, building up to a biological union that is both glorious and spiritual at the same time. It is called sexual intercourse. With all of this you would expect the earth to be utopian. Unfortunately it is not. Our earth is supposed to reflect the balance between the sexes just like a home is supposed to reflect the balance in a marriage. Look around you. What do you see? Decadence in the cultural, social, political and even emotional standards of humanity. Can we trace all of these to the relationship between the sexes?
To be sincere, such a bold theory deserves a more precise and concise investigation, dating through the entirety of our history and looking through all of its pages to find out the most minute reasons for where we are today. I dont have that meticulousness, rather the time to secure credible reasons for you, but I dare provoke you to think for a moment, ‘Are men and women in sync?’ Before you answer, is it true that there is an increasing rate of divorces? Are there increasing aggression to vocalising feminism and sexism? Are there rise in abuse of femininity and masculinity? There is your answer.
We are indeed not in harmony with the other half of our species. The world is torn in two, both side fighting aggressively to own and to control the entire living globe. Men are trying to build a world out of the likeness of a man. They are fashioning cultures and systems that places them at relative ease against the other sex. Women are trying to build opinions out of the likeness of a woman. They are creating and championing movements of resistance that fans the embers of aggression against their opposition, slowly encroaching the social atmosphere until our world has been won over. With these obstinate division line created by the gender bias, we are pulling down the bridges to harmony and fighting harder for whose voice is to be heard. Either way, no matter the victor or vanquished, we lost. We should be bridging a world rather than contesting dominance.
Get this perspective clearly. No sex is greater or lesser than the other although our differences are clear. These differences should be within biological reasons and should not be extended to social, cultural and political circles. A woman can conceive and birth a child is a biological reason.  But it is a crime to give her a cultural reason for this and say she is intended to stay at home and bring up children as her only social function. A man as a hunter for means of sustenance and territorial defender is a biological reason. But it is a crime to give the cultural reason that a man should excuse himself from the daily labor of raising the child.
Because we perceive our differences we are forced to make decisions as to who is stronger or better in every space both sexes find each other. Sometimes it is shown by physical competitivenes but mostly this war-like head on with the other sex is done in the mental space. The earth, given to mankind to groom and nurture, man beside woman has been split into many spheres so that each sex will find their dominion. In one sphere, you find dominion by man qualities and the other is dominated by the woman. The stage of battle is set when one sex wanders off into an opposition dominion. Even the home is split this way as you may find the man in charge of parts of the house and the woman holds a final decision in the other part. Who said the woman should be the mistress in the kitchen and the man decides what is viewed on television in the sitting room? We have divided just so we rule. This differences have magnified to a scale where the entire world is affected.
By world I mean the global scene of human society. The breakdown we see today is because the man adamantly thinks like a man even if he is in conference with women. It is also the same way a woman thinks like a woman even if she were addressing a group of men. We occupy every space, every situation and every idea with the male/female superiority/inferiority complex for fear we may become irrelevant. But should this matter? Shouldn’t we be building bridges to the other sex rather than widening the chasm between us? 
What if we created societies where boys grow to become men because they have learnt to think, feel and understand the girl/woman transition? What if we created societies where girls grow to become women because they have learnt to think, feel and understand the boy/man transition? Then we will have a world that truly speaks one language. The boy speaks girl just as the girl speaks boy and the man speaks woman just as she speaks man. This is how to create a better world, the truly utopian world we are capable of if both sexes harmonised rather than war eachother.

​Sex Talk One: The ‘Dirty Panties Theory’

I will be choosing my words carefully because of the sensitivity of the discussion which will span about seven sex talk topics. But know this, I feel more strongly than I let on here. Argue as you may like about my views, I will take them as bigoted words of one who have listened to just the one=sided story all their lives. It is not your fault. Only the decision to refuse opening the mind to reason can guilt you. That is why you may decide to play down my sanity or moral values. All I am about to say is that whatever the story you have been sold about sex, it is wrong. Only very few and the truly enlightened bridge the ignorance of the topic and yet they refuse to be vocal. The society they find themselves will judge them. Somehow, oneday, the culture of silence will need to be broken. I am doing just that bit that’s my social responsibility. 
There is a cultural talk on the topic of sex. This talk is built up from the religious and ethnic beliefs on the matter. Although, they differ widely, but in general, sex is viewed chiefly as a powerful tool of procreation and little else about the topic matters. If you are not ready to have children then don’t have sex. This institution of readiness is called marriage. On the flip side, there is an anti=cultural view to the topic. This talk of sex makes it purely a ‘pleasure thing’. And like all pleasures, it needs to be exploited to as far as it can take one. This talk on sex is sometimes called the progressive or modern talk on sex. They preach birth control and emphasizes orgasms. 
Now, you can clearly see how the two talk on sex conflicts. While one regards the other without respect for matrimony, the one rebukes the other for no regard to self and pleasure. While both sides may have a valid point, they both preach the same agenda. And I call it the dirty panties  theory. It originates with the cultural talk on sex because it is the older view of the matter and insidiously crept into the progressive/modern talk on sex. All the same, the view is wrong. 


The dirty panties theory is ideal to understand this way.

 ‘Treat sex like a piece of dirty panties that will never become clean. Keep it away from the eyes of others because you will irritate them and bring shame upon yourself. And if you must wear it for sacred purposes of matrimony, be shy about it and not talk about it. Sex is a dirty panty. It is your dirt that will never become clean. And as long as it can never become clean, you are not to be freed from its guilt.’ 
This is the dirty panties theory that is injected into majority of world culture and religious beliefs. Reason on this matter alone, you may see the fault to this theory. Over centuries it has breeded hate on the matter of sex and shaming to those unmarried partakers. And to those married it has led to an unmutually pleasurable experience which begets all sorts of contempt within marriage. This preaching is dangerous and unpopular to generation that is intolerant to all forms of displeasure.  The reason the cultural talk of sex has lost vast grounds with popular practice. This gave way to a more conforming talk on sex. The progressive talk on sex was birthed. Would the dirty panties theory be discarded this time? 
Not exactly. Here is the progressive talk on sex. 

‘We have been told that we should treat sex like it is a dirty panties. It is my dirty panties, why should I care what any other person thinks? I will own it. I will become proud of it. I will wear it in public and it will not matter what people say about me. It is fun to go on adventures on the dirty panties. These I shall exploit. It is my business however I wear it, whenever and how often. I am breaking free from the shackles of guilt’. 
Unfortunately, they are not. While this may look like a liberation on the sex talk, it is still looking at same mirror from different angles. The one feels sex should follow guilt, the other feels it should follow freedom and choice. Altogether, sex is a dirty panties and it can both be agreed both ways that it can never be clean. It may be hard to convince the progessive society that they view sex this way. If they will be honest to answer what truly motivates them to choice their lifestyle this way you will find that it is guilt. Is it not the desire to fight mainstream? Because they believe the dirty theory they fight it. Is it not the desire to quench curiousity and exploit banned territories that motivates them? Hence the choice to exploit pleasures without hesitation. The progressive society talk the dirty theory, only with a different disposition. If they chose how perhaps they believe they are friend. Only in the mind, but they are bound in guilt body and soul. 
I will not be a voice for the cultural talk. Though they uphold a measure of wholesomeness they have completely maligned the purity of sex and stripped it of its beauty and pleasure. I will not be a voice for the progressive talk either. While I am for its liberation and free expression, it has veered beyond control, sprouting destructive self habits and riddled itself with guilt of the dirty panties  theory. Although, they deny they feel any guilt at all. They always come to the point of guilt because the progressive talk is birthed in the dirty panties theory. The talk on sex from both societies have been over-rated.
Here is my talk on sex. Like your name, your sex is your identity. Just as your accomplishments embellish your name, so does your sexual experience. Because of your name you own an identity. You will have friends because of your name and because of that they will want to share your identity with you just as you are ready to share theirs. You will also have enemies who will detest your identity. When you meet new people you are interested in you will want to share your identity with them, that is why you start by saying your name. Whether you have gone far long from physical, and social interest in the other person of the opposite sex, the final frontier is to get to know them on a spirit-dimensional level. That is called Sex with a means to building a bridge to a person, not a procreation tool or a pleasure tool.    

Everybody has a name, but not all has an identity. Identity comes when you have earned it. For everything said above about name and Identity is also true about sex and its identity. Every one has a sexual ability but not a sexual identity. The way you earn a sexual identity that can be respected by the cultural or progressive society is to consider sex as an extension communication tool of self, just as your talking, but be responsible enough to connect with mature choices.  

Everybody has sex (the organs and the urge to engage) but majority has no identity. It is those that have sex without identity that will accept the dirty panties theory wether culturally or progressively. When you have earned a sexual identity, that is when you are truly liberated and the sex talk becomes a bridge between body, mind and soul. That is when sex has true meaning. Perhaps, if you remained on this journey, you may hopefully discover it for yourself.
Next article: Sex Talk Two; The True Colors.

​The Potato, The Egg and The Coffee Beans

I saw the illustration of the potato, the egg and the coffee beans and I see it is worth it to share my views on the matter. It goes thus; A certain person comes to a friend complaining bitterly about life and without a word, the friend went to the kitchen and boiled separately a potato, an egg and coffee beans. As expected, the potato became soft due to the pressure of boiling water; the egg which was fluid on the inside becomes hard, and the coffee beans dissolves and diffuses the water into coffee. Then the question becomes; what are you when life hits you?  The potato, the egg, or the coffee beans? I prefer to ask, who have you become through life?
The progression of life and it’s constant viccissitudes is nothing but the boiling water. Do you believe the pressure is meant to break you, or harden you or make you? Every sane person will answer quickly and indeed the right way. But the true test is not in our ability to answer right. It is to act it in the situation. If you are a potato, you will soften when life hits you no matter how much of life intelligence you have accrued through your years. Being smart doesnt cut it. Infact, being smart is to look for the easy way out of a difficult situation and that is the potato way. This potato way is where I intend to focus a bit. 
But then, people can tell you how to act and when faced with similar circumstances, their courage fail them to deal with the situation.  Their endurance somehow but always give out in standing the storm. The troubles that you have faced does not define you. It only tests your mettle; the stuff you are made of from within. That, by one definition, is the character of an individual. Character is not an intelligent thing. It is a dilligence thing. That is what tribulations are trying to measure in you, in various trials to draw out its varied dimensions.
My angle to this topic comes from my soreness of the many voices preaching methods and skills to escape tough circumstances. They are a voice of confusion and a warning bell sounding after the disaster. They thrive on chaos to earn a voice. They prey on your fall to offer their artifice. This is always at a price. A price the fallen man will pay for his ignorance. 
This is what I mean. Many organisations of human support and relief have invested in sand castle solutions to peoples problem that will have to be built again after every wave of disaster. It is an ingenious system that calls on you after a disaster and offers succour and relief, then wait for another disaster so that through their chicanery they keep the poor people coming for more relief and more succour. Soon enough, they have created a fenced-in farm of peoples, deeply afraid to wander off without the guidance system but are heavily harvested to the greater good of either a profit making or control system.
Think deeply,  I beg of you . These organisations are all around you selling belief systems and trapping you in a dependent circle. We are drawn to them in times of personal disaster for a modicum of succour and relief. In time, we are engineered to invest heart and soul for a good beyond comprehension but built by faith, and a sense of security characterised by  strong beliefs. Its no wonder some people assume they can become nothing without such social groups. Have you heard when someone says, ‘what will I be if not for my worship?’ What I hear is ‘I am worth nothing unless I remained a part of the system. There are uncertainties I will not be able to meet, dangers I will not be able to evade and decisions I suffer the intelligence to make. I in deed depend on this system for my survival’. 
Is this the truth about the human individual? It is for them because they are made to believe so. But I say this, a man is meant to thrive by association but he becomes a winner by fighting alone. Who among them can fight alone when they have not built the character by themselves and developed self fortitude? Do not be deceived by their perceived sense of peace, harmony and security. It is built up by a dependent jigsaw of smokescreens which often times crumble and fail under the pressure of self determination and being responsible for one self.
I have made a deviating point. Do I still find relevance with the opening illustration? Yes.  My point exactly being that at the begining of life we are a piece of potato, just tough enough until we meet out first boiling water. At this defining time, some will become faith and beliefs dependent, enjoying the atmosphere of warmth and security provided by the social shield. These ones will always remain a potato, waiting for a simple trick or a word of faith to do its magic. Everytime it burns they take the dose of faith and belief. And when it is not enough they begin the search for a higher faith or belief that will do the trick or magic. This is the smart way, the personality way but the potato way.
There are a separate lot who take the experience of the boiling water and learn from it through natural laws or personal discoveries of the human mystique. The things they learn they adapt, using it as sword and shield against life circumstances. When they have found adeptness with little, more is given, which soon enough  evolves them into eggs. 
They don’t stop there. Fighting the resistance to a choice life is not the only way, they soon discover. They learn to turn tides by seeking the advantage in a misfortune and bending it to their will to achieve fortune and the grace of a champion. At this point, they have learnt the greatest secret of the boiling water i.e. Life is Good!  This is when they become the coffee beans, through the dilligent way and the character way.
The world we enjoy now has been modified by the coffee beans of this earth. Food for thought; think through the many examples as you can recall. Their greatest faith and belief was in self, and nothing without. Perhaps, I say the truth.

Song of Hearts:Part Two

Imagine a situation where a mate tries to reason with the behavior of his mate rather than to dwell  on the traces of pain left behind by his or her scourging tongue. I can envision disagreement coming to an absolute null. This ability is not easy to learn  but it involves training the mind’s ocular faculties. A poor one is ready to see the harm but a strong one is searching out for the root of the sounds reaching it. That makes all the difference in our attitude or reactions to a mate. If we develop this ability of hearing a song of heart instead of taking the sound we perceive, we tend to know the next step  that will solve the contention instead of aggravate it. That is true wisdom.

Lets see some examples. Imagine a wife complains to a mate he is not there for her. He would quickly interprete this as him being irresponsible and that she doesn’t trust him to take care of her. No wonder he will become defensive if most of the time he is out there working to provide for her needs. This is poor judgement because he listened to the sounds coming from her and he finds it unpleasant. What if he listened to her song of heart? 

Then he will notice that she feels low emotionally at that moment and she needs him to reassure her of his love. A warm hug and reassuring words could nip the tumor and safe the marriage from impending danger.

Imagine a wife who nags her husband for bad behavior. The nag doesn’t solve but instead  it makes things worse. That could interprete to the woman that the man is no longer loving because he wouldn’t go out of his way to accept her own way of showing love to him ,i.e trying to make him desirable the way she likes it. This could lessen a womans respect for the man and result into more nagging and budding resentments. What if she listened to his song of heart instead? 

She would understand that her attempts to nag him were her way way of telling that he cant handle the situation so she would take it on by herself. Ofcourse, he wouldn’t make this easy for her so that the points he perceived from her wouldn’t be true. So he becomes arrogant. If she saw this, then she wouldn’t need to nag him because it points to his weakness and pokes him right in the face of his sore. Therefore she would rather be full of praises so that he extends his strengths to cover up his weakness. That insight alone could save a marriage heading for the docks.

 How invaluable it is to listen always to the song of heart of a mate. It is also is effective with all forms of bonds you have or relations wetherfriends, family or acquaintances. Perhaps, we would have created better lives, end wars and rivalry and put an end  to all strives on this earth if we learnt to listen to the song of heart rather than the sounds that comes to us.
Read Songs of Heart Part One from the previous article. 

Songs of Heart: Part One

A good song accompanied by a good sound is appealing isn’t it? But if the song comes with bad sounds, it doesn’t make the song any bad. It could be bad music but not a bad song. There is always a good song in the heart of all mankind. It will be wise to pay attention to what the song of heart is rather than if their presence appeals to the eyes or not. 

Before we find out what the song of heart is, let’s try to define first the sounds that could be accompanied by a song. The way a person behaves is perceived by our senses and instantly imprints an image on our minds. These impressions formed in our mind determine our attitude towards them. The question still remains if it is just right to judge a person by the signals (sounds) reaching us instead of the innate inscriptions (song) of his personality?

Lets look at someone who is proud and someone who is depressed. It will be fascinating to discover that they are influenced by the same intrinsic desire to be reached out to. Pride is a bad sound that makes us forcefully reject the behavior from other people. Depression is also a bad sound that is malodorous. If we tend to judge by these we will have lost the point of the song of heart, that is, to be reached out to. Do you now see the good  in paying attention to the song of heart instead of endeavouring to respond to the sound reaching us? The lack of such ability to listen to the song of heart is usually the only root of all contentions in a marriage.
Read Songs of Heart Part Two in the next article. 

A Man’s Woman: Part Two

A couple are suppose to be partners that thrive on teamwork. Each individual can give little but they sum up to have great power. There is more joy because each one feels important and each one feels needed. The atmosphere is healthy because no one’s one energy either spiritual, mental and physical is exhausted and yet, there is great fulfillment and satisfaction because their little but combined efforts brings result. You can expect such a couple have energy to balance every sphere of their lives. 

A man needs to give his value but his value is given if his woman can prove his acceptance. That is a Man’s woman, who can work with him that way whether he wants it or not, whether he knows it or not.

This same principle applies to the man who is independent of his woman and the one  who is interdependent. An independent man realizes there is a lot he alone can do and he sets about focusing deeply. This character makes one irascible and unfriendly. They lose the point and fail to direct their energies on what matters most. And because what matters most matters, it will even begin to affect the results of the things the man focuses on. He may succeed but the expense is a great cost. It will be helpful then that the man realizes the effectiveness of interdepence on his woman.

Nature is a perfect cycle that is self sustaining. This requires a great combination to achieve this result. It is the same thing with a man and his woman and the skill involved in interdependence is understanding the combinations to get the sustaining result. Like the ying and yang energies, there is need to be balanced in combining both sexes. 

A man needs to climb but his safety is only sure if his woman hold his ladder. A man needs to give his value but his value is given if his woman can prove his acceptance. A man needs to stand and he will be unshakable on his feet if his woman can assure him that she will catch him if he falls. A man need to feel powerful but he needs to find out where it is safe for him to be weak. If his woman can be that place for him to be weak; there is no reason for him to be weak against the world but will go forth subduing and conquering mightily. 

Love and sex are the best motivations to any man to achieve great  success. Love of all does not equal the love between a man and his woman. That is the kind of love that gives him wings to fly. It will be better for him to make the best of it. Sex with all does not equal sex between a man and his woman. This is the kind of sex that opens up the powers of two souls merging into one for the man to avail. It will be better for his woman to improve the relationship to empower him. If you see a man who is balanced in all aspects of his life, then he has got a woman. That’s the use of a woman to a man. 

While this may be difficult to achieve, it is very easy if the woman will agree to give up her self meanwhile to make him. Her reward will more than make up for that sacrifice of being the Man’s woman. 

Read A Man’s Woman Part One in the previous article.